9:44p

trying not to think of deprivation and death—are we even alive?

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serious problem

This has become my serious
problem, I suppose.

The more I dive into the world
and destroy my comfort zone,

The more the feeling
of being less significant eats
my entire body

I could not make
something perfect, or acceptable

I could not feel
proud about matters
I have accomplished

Because those are not
perfect

and never will be.

I suppose, this is my serious
problem and I need
saving.

two silver boxes

I did not foresee to learn building boxes—
one for my salad days,
another for Mama’s succulent mango pie
Yet none were too spacious for my minority,
Odd boxes were crafted out of apathy.

I did not foresee to learn building boxes—
one for my delicate flowers,
another for the paper dolls
Trapping them as if my soul did not have inner voice;
locking them in as if the demon did not pierce my insides.

I did not foresee to learn building boxes—
one for a pearl,
another for my dazzling unicorn
A sharp knife was not worthy to be locked up,
For it was the rage I entailed when my temple got broken.

I did not foresee to learn building boxes—
one for my white lilies,
another for a monthly alien
Perhaps this poor heart was never on the brink of acceptance,
I have abandoned my better angels before they soared away.
They were a home, a chain to my pith and wrecked flowers
What was more obscene than a very young but damaged lily?
Grievous affairs were the culprits,
I reckoned,
Not that I did not whimper dispatching my sprouting fruit.
I did not foresee to learn building boxes—
one for my stained heart,
another for a terrible mind
Pangs of conscience rotted through time—
coveting to redeem the angels back and sense home now.
Fascination of my own sin ran down my pale skin,
How did a pair of tiny arms and ceased heartbeat behoove an actual home?
My fragile womb was drained and it thumped me to ashes,
How did I feel so heavy and burdened out of emptiness?

I did not foresee to learn building a poignant little box—
one for a forsaken gift of life
Except that it was quite narrow and I pigmented it silver—
chained with remorse and sorrow once it was sent underneath.
Hence I foresaw to acquire building another silver box—
one for my repentant lily
Except that this was the last—
The last box I crafted to join her little heart underneath.